Drift in marriage
Drift in marriage occurs when couples slowly grow apart over time, often without realizing it until the distance feels significant. This can be due to a variety of causes, such as life changes, poor communication, or lack of intentional effort.
Here are some common causes of drift in marriage and how to address them
Causes of Drift in Marriage:
Lack of Communication: Over time, couples may stop realising their thoughts, feelings, and daily lives. This creates emotional distance and can lead to misunderstandings or resentment.
Fix: Set aside regular time to talk openly with your spouse, without distractions. This could be through daily check-ins, weekly date nights, or deeper discussions about your emotional state, goals, and needs.
Busy Lifestyles & Neglect: Work, children, and other responsibilities can lead to neglecting the marriage. Couples can become so focused on their individual tasks that they forget to nurture their relationship.
Fix: Prioritize your relationship by scheduling quality time together. Even small gestures like spending 10-15 minutes together daily, without distractions, can make a difference. Consider setting boundaries to protect couple time.
Unresolved Conflict: Avoiding or poorly handling conflicts can lead to built-up resentment, creating a wedge between partners. Small disagreements can grow into bigger issues when they’re not addressed properly.
Fix: Practice healthy conflict resolution by addressing issues calmly and respectfully. Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective, and seek compromise rather than focusing on who’s right or wrong. Consider counseling if conflicts seem too difficult to handle aloneprioritizing or Physical Disconnection: Over time, couples may stop prioritizing physical affection or emotional intimacy, leading to a sense of detachment. This could be caused by stress, fatigue, or taking the relationship for granted.
Fix: Make intentional efforts to connect emotionally and physically. Regular acts of affection, like holding hands or saying “I love you,” as well as physical intimacy, can strengthen the bond. Emotional intimacy can be built by sharing feelings, dreams, and vulnerabilities.
Life Transitions: Major changes, like having children, job changes, or moving, can disrupt the balance in a relationship. Partners may adjust differently to these changes, leading to misalignment in their priorities.
Fix: Acknowledge and communicate openly about how these changes are impacting both of you. Work together as a team to find new rhythms and support each other through transitions.
Taking Each Other for Granted: Familiarity can lead to complacency, where partners assume the other will always be there, and the effort to show love or appreciation fades.
Fix: Make a conscious effort to show appreciation for your spouse. Small acts of kindness, gratitude, and verbal affirmations go a long way in maintaining connection. Regularly express how much your partner means to you.
Different Goals or Priorities: Over time, individuals may evolve in ways that lead to differing life goals or priorities. This can create a sense of drift if partners don’t adapt or align their visions for the future.
Fix: Have open discussions about your goals and dreams. Find common ground and ways to support each other’s personal growth. Sometimes, compromise or creating joint goals can help partners stay connected.
Lack of Fun and Shared Experiences: When life becomes routine, couples may stop having fun together or engaging in activities they once enjoyed, leading to boredom and emotional distance.
Fix: Reintroduce fun and novelty into the relationship by trying new activities together, travelling, or simply rediscovering hobbies you both enjoy. Shared experiences build memories and bring couples closer.
How to Prevent Drift in Marriage:
1. Be Intentional: Put effort into nurturing the relationship, even when life gets busy.
2. Regular Check-ins: Set aside time for open communication, discussing light and serious topics.
3. Seek Help Early: If you feel distance growing, consider couples counselling to help rebuild connection.
Invest in the Marriage: Keep learning about your partner and growing together. Like any other valuable relationship, marriage requires ongoing care.
4. Reconnecting after drifting apart requires effort and patience, but by addressing the underlying causes, couples can rebuild intimacy and strengthen their bond.
Williams Chukwudi
Senior Pastor of The Baker Church